How do I get through to angry Girlfriend?
- Wednesday Nov 11,2009 06:40 AM
- By diddy
- In Others
Sometimes, the most challenging thing in a relationship is not the obstacles and problems themselves, but more how we go about "solving" them.
My girl and I have a communication problem: Her ego is very developed and never takes a critique. So when we are having an argument, her anger takes over completely and she can’t reason anymore. Things can escalate very quickly.
Her anger is the only thing keeping us apart. I am convinced she has been conditioned to keep her anger bottled in. And I want to help her without hurting myself in the process. And without leaving her…
How would you approach this situation?
Anger, Communication Problem, Critique, Ego, Girlfriend, Obstacles, Relationship
2 Comments
Well, you just contradicted yourself by saying her anger takes over, yet you believe she is programmed to keep her anger inside her. You need to have a real conversation with her, not an argument, and talk to her calmly. If you can’t get through to her, let it go for now. How long have you even been dating? If it’s not been too long than she has every right to be unopen to you. If it’s a long, ongoing thing then I’d just accept that you’re not very compatible now, it’s better than waiting and realizing it later, which is most people’s mistake imo.
Do not say, "You make me mad when you do such and such." Instead, say, "I feel (sad, hurt, disappointed) when you say that to me." If you start out saying "YOU" she will become more defensive. Instead, try using "I feel". This is a technique that is used in counseling. Several years ago, a friend of mine was taught this technique. It also sounds like she has a lot of growing up to do. People have to learn to accept criticism sooner or later. If she is a total hot head, get rid of her.
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